The Animal Kingdom Mom Support Group

Raising a child seems to come naturally to most mothers of the animal kingdom. I'm not sure how it works in the forests, the jungles, the deserts, but mothers just seem to know about feeding and protecting and teaching their young. Instinct. Yet humans, though self-proclaimed "Animals of Very Much Brain," spend a lot of time and money on instructing the moms of their species on what to do with babies and children. And even then, many, many moms (including this one) freak out about their grinning, sniveling, pooping, laughing, spitting, gurgling, howling, hugging offspring. You don't hear camels and hyenas stressing over whether their young are hitting the developmental milestones at the right time.

Then again, I could be wrong. Maybe all animal moms need help and advice from strangers at the grocery store / watering hole, the best-seller lists at the book store, and the endless websites online. OK, not sure what the animal equivalents would be for those last two. But what if animal moms have support groups, or weekly gatherings, where they talk over their child-rearing challenges? Perhaps it goes something like this:

Koala Mom 1: I only slept 20 hours yesterday instead of 22! Joey just would not settle down! I am so exhausted!

Koala Mom 2: I had the same problem with my Joey when he was that age. I tried wrapping him in eucalyptus leaves for 30 minutes after he would wake up. Worked like a charm!

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Ostrich Mom 1: Little Chick is always stretching his neck up to the sky and never wants to bury his head in the sand. I'm worried about him.

Ostrich Mom 2: My cousin's Chick goes to a special school for that. I could get you the number. *

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Blue Whale Mom 1: (to Mom 2) Your calf is looking a little peaked there. Are you sure he's getting enough milk?

Blue Whale Mom 2: He only gained 180 pounds yesterday, but the doctor said not to worry. Well you know me, I did worry! But I've weighed him three times today and gave him an extra feeding, and as of lunchtime he had already put on 190 pounds, so I think he'll reach the average by tonight.

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Giraffe Mom 1: Stretch isn't living up to his name. His neck is 6 inches shorter than those of his friends.

Giraffe Mom 2: My Skye has the opposite problem. He's always getting his neck tangled in the tops of the trees.

Giraffe Mom 3: I read that it's all about how far they had to fall when they were born. The new recommendation is that mothers give birth while standing over a hole if the parents have short necks. If there is a fear that the baby will have too long of a neck, the mother should give birth over a pile of leaves.

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Fox Mom 1: Kit started making this ring-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding noise.

Fox Mom 2: That's better than mine. He's saying fraka-kaka-kaka-kaka-kow. He learned it from his friends at school.

Fox Mom 3: I think I'll homeschool.

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Well, this human mom has to go change her offspring's poopy diaper. She just changed a poopy diaper five minutes ago. Do you think said offspring is sick? Should this mom research it online? Isn't there a book about poop? Maybe she should just clean him and stop worrying!








Photo credit: Creative Commons: belgianchocolate







*Yes, I know that ostriches don't bury their heads in the sand. Laugh with me. :)