One could go on and on forever talking about anything, but I'll just touch on it here.

Monday, December 31, 2012

How to Get out of Bed

Getting out of bed used to be simple: sit up and swing feet to floor. Eh, maybe roll over and slide down the edge of the bed, feet landing gently on the carpet. Maybe toss back the covers and lay there a minute before turning and springing happily out of bed-OK, I've never been a morning person so I don't spring out of bed, but I'm just saying that it used to be I could spring out of bed if I had wanted to.

Now, however, getting out of bed takes more thought, more preparation, more strength, and more skill. And I'm only halfway through my pregnancy! Bump isn't huge at all. Why, then, is it such a physical chore to fumble to the bathroom in the night or get up in the morning to face the new day?

Pillows, hips, and gravity.

I thought nesting had to do with cleaning the house and getting the baby room ready, but I have lately discovered that what it really means is literally making and sleeping in a nest. Attempting to start sleeping more on my side and to make that a comfortable experience, I have been sleeping with lots of pillows around me. For Christmas my mother-in-law gave me a pregnancy body pillow, which helps a lot for comfort, but I still need a pillow behind my back. Before I launch into the techniques for exiting the bed, let me explain the process of getting into my nest, as this is almost as difficult as getting out of it.

Our bed is tall. I can't just walk up to our bed and turn and lie down. I have always had to climb into bed. My new pillow sleeping buddies only add more height. I can either climb on top of the body pillow and onto the bed or fold it back, and get on the bed. If I am really really tired when I go to bed I wake up quite a bit just from the acrobatics required to get in sleep position. Once in/on bed I have to mold my body around the pillow, figure out what the heck to do with my left arm-stick it up in the air or put it under the pillow?-put the other pillow up to my back, and arrange the covers. Ah, settled at last. If I'm lucky, I fall asleep within minutes. If not, then my hips start to complain and it's time to turn over. Why the hips don't like hours in one nice soft position is beyond me.

Turning over means unwrapping myself from the body pillow, wincing at the new pain in my chest and trying to go easy on the belly so I don't strain more muscles, and then arranging pillows again. I can't easily move the body pillow so that it fits me on the other side. If I tried, I think I would knock Luke out of bed with it. I turn carefully also in my attempt to disturb Luke the least amount possible. Ah, comfort again. Until the urge to pee takes over.

Gravity seems to have concentrated itself right in the middle of our bed. What an incredible force it is, pulling me down into my soft nest. I consider my options. Fall back asleep and wait to pee when it's morning. Push my pillows onto the floor and then roll out of bed for a soft landing- of course then I would have to get up off of the floor. Put the pillows at the foot of the bed, then try to roll over normally and gently ease out of bed. Position my body on top of the pillows, on my left side, reach over to the edge of the mattress with my right hand and grab hold of the sheet and part of the mattress and pull hard, fighting gravity, until I roll just enough so that I can swing my right leg over the edge of the bed and find the floor with my foot then pull myself to a standing position as I move my left leg down to join the right. You guessed it; I tend to go with the last option. Why? I have no idea.

I pause by the side of the bed, listen for Luke's steady breathing, then walk quietly to the bathroom only to return to bed in moments, sighing as I try to figure out how to get back into my nest without waking Luke. Let me just say that he hasn't slept very well lately. (OK, pregnancy snoring has added to the sleep disruption. Too often I end up on my back in the night and, what with all my congestion from colds or just because I'm pregnant, I start snoring like a logger).

When morning comes and my lovely alarm goes off, I have to go through the gravity-defying process all over again. I think it's time to get a night stand so I don't have to reach down to the floor to shut off the noise. If you feel the earth rumble tonight it's probably because I pulled a little too hard on the mattress and tumbled to the floor.


  1. Haha... that is hilarious. I can just picture it. ;)

  2. Just found you blog... I absolutely love it!!